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One of my many ways of wasting time is hunting amusing and insightful quotes down on Usenet and the web.
I haven't harvested all of these myself; my main sources have been:
Bear in mind that I don't necessarily agree with all of these - some are included just because they're very funny.
I use these as my signatures on computing newsgroups, and have written some Emacs - see the Ron Echeverri quote - lisp code to help with this. Stick it in your ~/.emacs, if you like.
Here they are.
well, take it from an old hand: the only reason it would be easier to program in C is that you can't easily express complex problems in C, so you don't. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp ... but I guess there are some things that are so gross you just have to forget, or it'll destroy something within you. perl is the first such thing I have known. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp it's not that perl programmers are idiots, it's that the language rewards idiotic behavior in a way that no other language or tool has ever done -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp On the other hand, the following areas are subject to boycott in reaction to the rampant impurity of design or execution, as determined after a period of study, in no particular order: ... http://www.naggum.no/profile.html languages shape the way we think, or don't. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp "declare"? my bogometer indicates that you're really programming in some other language and trying to force Common Lisp into your mindset. this won't work. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp incidentally, asking why things are "left out of the language" is a good sign that the asker is fairly clueless. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp please realize that the Common Lisp community is more than 40 years old. collectively, the community has already been where every clueless newbie will be going for the next three years. so relax, please. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp nonono, while we're making wild conjectures about the behavior of completely irrelevant tasks, we must not also make serious mistakes, or the data might suddenly become statistically valid. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp 3. Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon. -- Alan Perlis, http://www.cs.yale.edu/homes/perlis-alan/quotes.html 6. Symmetry is a complexity-reducing concept (co-routines include subroutines); seek it everywhere. -- Alan Perlis, http://www.cs.yale.edu/homes/perlis-alan/quotes.html 7. It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one. -- Alan Perlis, http://www.cs.yale.edu/homes/perlis-alan/quotes.html 8. A programming language is low level when its programs require attention to the irrelevant. -- Alan Perlis, http://www.cs.yale.edu/homes/perlis-alan/quotes.html 31. Simplicity does not precede complexity, but follows it. -- Alan Perlis, http://www.cs.yale.edu/homes/perlis-alan/quotes.html 34. The string is a stark data structure and everywhere it is passed there is much duplication of process. It is a perfect vehicle for hiding information. -- Alan Perlis, http://www.cs.yale.edu/homes/perlis-alan/quotes.html 39. Re graphics: A picture is worth 10K words - but only those to describe the picture. Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described with pictures. -- Alan Perlis, http://www.cs.yale.edu/homes/perlis-alan/quotes.html 40. There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works. -- Alan Perlis, http://www.cs.yale.edu/homes/perlis-alan/quotes.html 41. Some programming languages manage to absorb change, but withstand progress. -- Alan Perlis, http://www.cs.yale.edu/homes/perlis-alan/quotes.html 42. You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on the continuing vitality of FORTRAN. -- Alan Perlis, http://www.cs.yale.edu/homes/perlis-alan/quotes.html 48. The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman. -- Alan Perlis, http://www.cs.yale.edu/homes/perlis-alan/quotes.html 58. Fools ignore complexity. Pragmatists suffer it. Some can avoid it. Geniuses remove it. -- Alan Perlis, http://www.cs.yale.edu/homes/perlis-alan/quotes.html 59. In English every word can be verbed. Would that it were so in our programming languages. -- Alan Perlis, http://www.cs.yale.edu/homes/perlis-alan/quotes.html 81. In computing, turning the obvious into the useful is a living definition of the word "frustration". -- Alan Perlis, http://www.cs.yale.edu/homes/perlis-alan/quotes.html 93. When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done," give him a lollipop. -- Alan Perlis, http://www.cs.yale.edu/homes/perlis-alan/quotes.html 112. Computer Science is embarrassed by the computer. -- Alan Perlis, http://www.cs.yale.edu/homes/perlis-alan/quotes.html There are 'infinite' number of developed artifacts and one cannot develop appreciation for them all. It would be all right to not understand something, but it would be imbecilic to put judgements on things one don't understand. -- Xah, comp.lang.lisp If i don't understand lisp, it would be wise to not bray about how lisp is stupid or otherwise criticize, because my stupidity would be archived and open for all in the know to see. -- Xah, comp.lang.lisp About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead. -- E.W.Dijkstra, 18th June 1975. Perl did not exist at the time. [Perl] combines all the worst aspects of C and Lisp: a billion different sublanguages in one monolithic executable. It combines the power of C with the readability of PostScript. -- Jamie Zawinski I saw `cout' being shifted "Hello world" times to the left and stopped right there. -- Steve Gonedes All parts should go together without forcing. You must remember that the parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you. Therefore, if you can't get them together again, there must be a reason. By all means, do not use a hammer. -- IBM maintenance manual, 1925 SCSI is not magic. There are fundamental technical reasons why it is necessary to sacrifice a young goat to your SCSI chain now and then. -- John Woods Of the four project development variables - scope, cost, time and quality - quality isn't really a free variable. The only possible values are "excellent" and "insanely excellent", depending on whether lives are at stake. -- Kent Beck, XP Explained But since I'm not trying to impress anybody in The Software Big Top, I'd rather walk the wire using a big pole, a safety harness, a net, and with the wire not more than 3 feet off the ground. -- Grant Griffin, comp.lang.python Programming languages should be designed not by piling feature on top of feature, but by removing the weaknesses and restrictions that make the additional features appear necessary. -- Revised(5) Report on the Algorithmic Language Scheme (Of course SML does have its weaknesses, but by comparison, a discussion of C++'s strengths and flaws always sounds like an argument about whether one should face north or east when one is sacrificing one's goat to the rain god.) -- Thant Tessman Or here's an even simpler indicator of how much C++ sucks: Print out the C++ Public Review Document. Have someone hold it about three feet above your head and then drop it. Thus you will be enlightened. -- Thant Tessman Sufficiently advanced political correctness is indistinguishable from irony. -- Erik Naggum Premature optimization is the root of all evil. -- Donald E. Knuth, Structured Programming with goto Statements A witty saying proves nothing. -- Voltaire In case you're not a computer person, I should probably point out that "Real Soon Now" is a technical term meaning "sometime before the heat-death of the universe, maybe". -- Scott Fahlman <firstname.lastname@example.org> Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low. -- Wallace Sayre If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. -- Jack Handey One of the great skills in using any language is knowing what not to use, what not to say. ... There's that simplicity thing again. -- Ron Jeffries I have gathered a posie of other men's flowers, and nothing but the thread that binds them is my own. -- Montaigne Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly. -- Simeon Strunsky The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit. -- W. Somerset Maugham For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. -- H. L. Mencken There are two ways of constructing a software design: one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. -- C. A. R. Hoare In general, I'd recommend injecting LSD directly into your temples, Syd-Barret-style, before mucking with Motif's resource framework. The former has far lower odds of leading directly to terminal insanity. -- Dan Martinez Some people say that a monkey would bang out the complete works of Shakespeare on a typewriter give an unlimited amount of time. In the meantime, what they would probably produce is a valid sendmail configuration file. -- Nicholas Petreley how am I expected to quit smoking if I have to deal with NT every day -- Ben Raia surely, somewhere, somehow, in the history of computing, at least one manual has been written that you could at least remotely attempt to consider possibly glancing at. -- Adam Rixey I really hope there's a catastrophic bug in some future e-mail program where if you try and send an attachment it cancels your ISP account, deletes your harddrive, and pisses in your coffee -- Adam Rixey I also fondly recall Paris because that's where I learned to debug Zetalisp while drunk. -- Olin Shivers /* I'd just like to take this moment to point out that C has all the expressive power of two dixie cups and a string. */ -- Jamie Zawinski from the xkeycaps source In many ways, it's a dull language, borrowing solid old concepts from many other languages & styles: boring syntax, unsurprising semantics, few automatic coercions, etc etc. But that's one of the things I like about it. -- Tim Peters, 16 Sep 93 Strangely enough I saw just such a beast at the grocery store last night. Starbucks sells Javachip. (It's ice cream, but that shouldn't be an obstacle for the Java marketing people.) -- Jeremy Hylton, 29 Apr 1997 Ya, ya, ya, except ... if I were built out of KSR chips, I'd be running at 25 or 50 MHz, and would be wrong about ALMOST EVERYTHING almost ALL THE TIME just due to being a computer! -- Tim Peters, 30 Apr 97 The "of course, while I have no problem with this at all, it's surely too much for a lesser being" flavor of argument always rings hollow to me. -- Tim Peters, 29 Apr 1998 Indeed, when I design my killer language, the identifiers "foo" and "bar" will be reserved words, never used, and not even mentioned in the reference manual. Any program using one will simply dump core without comment. Multitudes will rejoice. -- Tim Peters, 29 Apr 1998 Two things I learned for sure during a particularly intense acid trip in my own lost youth: (1) everything is a trivial special case of something else; and, (2) death is a bunch of blue spheres. -- Tim Peters, 1 May 1998 Just point your web browser at http://www.python.org/search/ and look for "program", "doesn't", "work", or "my". Whenever you find someone else whose program didn't work, don't do what they did. Repeat as needed. -- Tim Peters, on python-help, 16 Jun 1998 This makes it possible to pass complex object hierarchies to a C coder who thinks computer science has made no worthwhile advancements since the invention of the pointer. -- Gordon McMillan, 30 Jul 1998 I've reinvented the idea of variables and types as in a programming language, something I do on every project. -- Greg Ward, September 1998 We did requirements and task analysis, iterative design, and user testing. You'd almost think programming languages were an interface between people and computers. -- Steven Pemberton (one of the designers of Python's direct ancestor ABC) I never realized it before, but having looked that over I'm certain I'd rather have my eyes burned out by zombies with flaming dung sticks than work on a conscientious Unicode regex engine. -- Tim Peters, 3 Dec 1998 Darned confusing, unless you have that magic ingredient coffee, of which I can pay you Tuesday for a couple pounds of extra-special grind today. -- John Mitchell, 11 Jan 1999 "The future" has arrived but they forgot to update the docs. -- R. David Murray, 9 May 2000 I'm sorry, was my bias showing again? :-) -- William Tanksley, 13 May 2000 Arrrrgh, the braindamage! It's not unlike the massively non-brilliant decision to use the period in abbreviations as well as a sentence terminator. Had these people no imagination at _all_? -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp I wouldn't trust the Anglo-Saxons for much anything else. Given they way English is spelled, who could trust them on _anything_ that had to do with writing things down, anyway? -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp Those who have deviant punctuation desires should take care of their own perverted needs. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp That's why the smartest companies use Common Lisp, but lie about it so all their competitors think Lisp is slow and C++ is fast. (This rumor has, however, gotten a little out of hand. :) -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp And then the character-only displays went away (leading to increasingly silly graphical effects and finally to ads on web pages). -- John W. Baxter, comp.lang.python After a heavy night I travelled on, my face toward home - the comma being by no means guaranteed. -- paraphrased from cam.misc This is an off-the-top-of-the-head-and-not-quite-sober suggestion, so is probably technically laughable. I'll see how embarassed I feel tomorrow morning. -- Patrick Gosling, ucam.comp.misc Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining. -- Jef Raskin If a train station is a place where a train stops, what's a workstation? -- unknown (to me, at least) The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offence. -- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5 Every day I send overnight packages filled with rabid weasels to people who use frames for no good reason. -- The Usenet Oracle, Oracularity #1017-1 If you don't use emacs, you're a pathetic, mewling, masochistic weakling and I can't be bothered to convert you. -- Ron Echeverri Not only does the English Language borrow words from other languages, it sometimes chases them down dark alleys, hits them over the head, and goes through their pockets. -- Eddy Peters Java sucks. [...] Java on TV set top boxes will suck so hard it might well inhale people from off their sofa until their heads get wedged in the card slots. --- Jon Rabone, ucam.chat If you give someone Fortran, he has Fortran. If you give someone Lisp, he has any language he pleases. -- Guy L. Steele Jr, quoted by David Rush in comp.lang.scheme.scsh I'm a keen cyclist and I stop at red lights. Those who don't need hitting with a great big slapping machine. -- Colin Davidson, cam.misc -Dr. Olin Shivers, Ph.D., Cranberry-Melon School of Cucumber Science -- seen in comp.lang.scheme ... so the notion that it is meaningful to pass pointers to memory objects into which any random function may write random values without having a clue where they point, has _not_ been debunked as the sheer idiocy it really is. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp There are two kinds of large software systems: those that evolved from small systems and those that don't work. -- Seen on slashdot.org, then quoted by amk You're posting to a Scheme group. Around here, arguing that Java is better than C++ is like arguing that grasshoppers taste better than tree bark. -- Thant Tessman, comp.lang.scheme The only problem with Microsoft is they just have no taste. -- Steve Jobs, (From _Triumph of the Nerds_ PBS special) and quoted by Aahz on comp.lang.python I hate leaving Windows95 boxes publically accessible, so shifting even to NT is a blessing in some ways. At least I can reboot them remotely in a sane manner, rather than having to send them malformed packets. -- http://bofhcam.org/journal/journal.html, 20/06/2000 C is not clean -- the language has _many_ gotchas and traps, and although its semantics are _simple_ in some sense, it is not any cleaner than the assembly-language design it is based on. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp I'm okay with intellegent buildings, I'm okay with non-sentient buildings. I have serious reservations about stupid buildings. -- Dan Sheppard, ucam.chat (from Owen Dunn's summary of the year) Our lecture theatre has just crashed. It will currently only silently display an unexplained line-drawing of a large dog accompanied by spookily flickering lights. -- Dan Sheppard, ucam.chat (from Owen Dunn's summary of the year) Hmmm... its Sunday afternoon: I could do my work, or I could do a Fourier analysis of my computer's fan noise. -- Amit Muthu, ucam.chat (from Owen Dunn's summary of the year) I don't have any special knowledge of all this. In fact, I made all the above up, in the hope that it corresponds to reality. -- Mark Carroll, ucam.chat I'm not particularly fond of singing GSTQ because she stands for some things I don't, but it's not really worth letting politics getting in the way of a good bawling. -- Dan Sheppard, ucam.chat $ head -n 2 src/bash/bash-2.04/unwind_prot.c /* I can't stand it anymore! Please can't we just write the whole Unix system in lisp or something? */ -- spotted by Rich van der Hoff If I had wanted your website to make noise I would have licked my finger and rubbed it across the monitor. -- signature of "istartedi" on slashdot.org Good? Bad? Strap him into the IETF-approved witch-dunking apparatus immediately! -- NTK now, 21/07/2000 In short, just business as usual in the wacky world of floating point <wink>. -- Tim Peters, comp.lang.python > Why are we talking about bricks and concrete in a lisp newsgroup? After long experiment it was found preferable to talking about why Lisp is slower than C++... -- Duane Rettig & Tim Bradshaw, comp.lang.lisp I have a cat, so I know that when she digs her very sharp claws into my chest or stomach it's really a sign of affection, but I don't see any reason for programming languages to show affection with pain. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp Q: What are 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start. (A lawyer told me this joke.) -- Michael Ströder, comp.lang.python Important data should not be entrusted to Pinstripe, as it may eat it and make loud belching noises. -- from the announcement of the beta of "Pinstripe" aka. Redhat 7.0 I'd certainly be shocked to discover a consensus. ;-) -- Aahz, comp.lang.python Considering that this thread is completely on-topic in the way only c.l.py threads can be, I think I can say that you should replace "Oblivion" with "Gravity", and increase your Radiohead quotient. -- Ben Wolfson, comp.lang.python That being done, all you have to do next is call free() slightly less often than malloc(). You may want to examine the Solaris system libraries for a particularly ambitious implementation of this technique. -- Eric O'Dell, comp.lang.dylan (& x-posts) Java is a WORA language! (Write Once, Run Away) -- James Vandenberg (on email@example.com) & quoted by David Rush on comp.lang.scheme Get out your salt shakers folks, this one's going to take more than one grain. -- Ator in an Ars Technica news item M-x psych[TAB][RETURN] -- try it As it seems to me, in Perl you have to be an expert to correctly make a nested data structure like, say, a list of hashes of instances. In Python, you have to be an idiot not to be able to do it, because you just write it down. -- Peter Norvig, comp.lang.functional The rapid establishment of social ties, even of a fleeting nature, advance not only that goal but its standing in the uberconscious mesh of communal psychic, subjective, and algorithmic interbeing. But I fear I'm restating the obvious. -- Will Ware, comp.lang.python Slim Shady is fed up with your shit, and he's going to kill you. -- Eminem, "Public Service Announcement 2000" This song is for anyone ... fuck it. Shut up and listen. -- Eminem, "The Way I Am" Now this is what I don't get. Nobody said absolutely anything bad about anything. Yet it is always possible to just pull random flames out of ones ass. -- http://www.advogato.org/person/vicious/diary.html?start=60 I have a feeling that any simple problem can be made arbitrarily difficult by imposing a suitably heavy administrative process around the development. -- Joe Armstrong, comp.lang.functional People think I'm a nice guy, and the fact is that I'm a scheming, conniving bastard who doesn't care for any hurt feelings or lost hours of work if it just results in what I consider to be a better system. -- Linus Torvalds This is the fixed point problem again; since all some implementors do is implement the compiler and libraries for compiler writing, the language becomes good at writing compilers and not much else! -- Brian Rogoff, comp.lang.functional Any form of evilness that can be detected without *too* much effort is worth it... I have no idea what kind of evil we're looking for here or how to detect is, so I can't answer yes or no. -- Guido Van Rossum, python-dev > Look I don't know. Thankyou everyone for arguing me round in > circles. No need for thanks, ma'am; that's what we're here for. -- LNR & Michael M Mason, cam.misc  If you're lost in the woods, just bury some fibre in the ground carrying data. Fairly soon a JCB will be along to cut it for you - follow the JCB back to civilsation/hitch a lift. -- Simon Burr, cam.misc GET *BONK* BACK *BONK* IN *BONK* THERE *BONK* -- Naich using the troll hammer in cam.misc I would hereby duly point you at the website for the current pedal powered submarine world underwater speed record, except I've lost the URL. -- Callas, cam.misc It's a measure of how much I love Python that I moved to VA, where if things don't work out Guido will buy a plantation and put us to work harvesting peanuts instead. -- Tim Peters, comp.lang.python Roll on a game of competetive offence-taking. -- Dan Sheppard, ucam.chat Presumably pronging in the wrong place zogs it. -- Aldabra Stoddart, ucam.chat You sound surprised. We're talking about a government department here - they have procedures, not intelligence. -- Ben Hutchings, cam.misc I don't remember any dirty green trousers. -- Ian Jackson, ucam.chat I also feel it essential to note, [...], that Description Logics, non-Monotonic Logics, Default Logics and Circumscription Logics can all collectively go suck a cow. Thank you. -- http://advogato.org/person/Johnath/diary.html?start=4 Very clever implementation techniques are required to implement this insanity correctly and usefully, not to mention that code written with this feature used and abused east and west is exceptionally exciting to debug. -- Erik Naggum on Algol-style "call-by-name" The PROPER way to handle HTML postings is to cancel the article, then hire a hitman to kill the poster, his wife and kids, and fuck his dog and smash his computer into little bits. Anything more is just extremism. -- Paul Tomblin, asr The ultimate laziness is not using Perl. That saves you so much work you wouldn't believe it if you had never tried it. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp There's a difference between random people with stripy jumpers, and a respected scientist with a reputation. -- Steve Kitson, ucam.chat US elections For those of you fearing that the rest of the world might be making fun of the US because of this: Rest assured, we are. -- http://www.advogato.org/person/jameson/diary.html?start=12 ... but I'd rather not reinvent the wheel if I don't have to. On the other hand, if the currently instantiated version of the wheel consists of a square rock covered with moss, I might as well just start fresh. -- Roy Smith, comp.lang.python Our Constitution never promised us a good or efficient government, just a representative one. And that's what we got. -- http://www.advogato.org/person/mrorganic/diary.html?start=109 I'll write on my monitor fifty times 'I must not post self-indulgent wibble nobody is interested in to ucam.chat just because I'm bored and I can't find the bug I'm supposed to fix'. -- Steve Kitson, ucam.chat You owe The Oracle a TV with an 'intelligence' control - I've tried 'brightness' but that didn't work. -- Internet Oracularity #1192-01 I have long since given up dealing with people who hold idiotic opinions as if they had arrived at them through thinking about them. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp If comp.lang.lisp *is* what vendors are relying on to make or break Lisp sales, that's more likely the problem than is the effect of any one of us on such a flimsy marketing strategy... -- Kent M Pitman, comp.lang.lisp Well, you pretty much need Microsoft stuff to get misbehaviours bad enough to actually tear the time-space continuum. Luckily for you, MS Internet Explorer is available for Solaris. -- Calle Dybedahl, alt.sysadmin.recovery I love the way Microsoft follows standards. In much the same manner that fish follow migrating caribou. -- Paul Tomblin -- http://home.xnet.com/~raven/Sysadmin/ASR.Quotes.html Never meddle in the affairs of NT. It is slow to boot and quick to crash. -- Stephen Harris -- http://home.xnet.com/~raven/Sysadmin/ASR.Quotes.html For their next act, they'll no doubt be buying a firewall running under NT, which makes about as much sense as building a prison out of meringue. -- -:Tanuki:- -- http://home.xnet.com/~raven/Sysadmin/ASR.Quotes.html You can lead an idiot to knowledge but you cannot make him think. You can, however, rectally insert the information, printed on stone tablets, using a sharpened poker. -- Nicolai -- http://home.xnet.com/~raven/Sysadmin/ASR.Quotes.html Remember - if all you have is an axe, every problem looks like hours of fun. -- Frossie -- http://home.xnet.com/~raven/Sysadmin/ASR.Quotes.html I'm not sure that the ability to create routing diagrams similar to pretzels with mad cow disease is actually a marketable skill. -- Steve Levin -- http://home.xnet.com/~raven/Sysadmin/ASR.Quotes.html First time I've gotten a programming job that required a drug test. I was worried they were going to say "you don't have enough LSD in your system to do Unix programming". -- Paul Tomblin -- http://home.xnet.com/~raven/Sysadmin/ASR.Quotes.html While preceding your entrance with a grenade is a good tactic in Quake, it can lead to problems if attempted at work. -- C Hacking -- http://home.xnet.com/~raven/Sysadmin/ASR.Quotes.html All programs evolve until they can send email. -- Richard Letts Except Microsoft Exchange. -- Art -- http://home.xnet.com/~raven/Sysadmin/ASR.Quotes.html Clue: You've got the appropriate amount of hostility for the Monastery, however you are metaphorically getting out of the safari jeep and kicking the lions. -- coonec -- http://home.xnet.com/~raven/Sysadmin/ASR.Quotes.html QNX... the OS that walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, but is, in fact, a platypus. ... the adventures of porting duck software to the platypus were avoidable this time. -- Chris Klein, alt.sysadmin.recovery Well, yes. I don't think I'd put something like "penchant for anal play" and "able to wield a buttplug" in a CV unless it was relevant to the gig being applied for... -- Matt McLeod, alt.sysadmin.recovery ARTHUR: Yes. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying "Beware of the Leopard". -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 1 FORD: Just put the fish in your ear, come on, it's only a little one. ARTHUR: Uuuuuuuuggh! -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 1 ARTHUR: Ford, you're turning into a penguin, stop it. -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 2 ZAPHOD: OK, so ten out of ten for style, but minus several million for good thinking, eh? -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 2 MARVIN: Do you want me to sit in a corner and rust, or just fall apart where I'm standing? -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 2 ARTHUR: But which is probably incapable of drinking the coffee. -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 6 ARTHUR: The ravenous bugblatter beast of Traal ... is it safe? FORD: Oh yes, it's perfectly safe ... it's just us who are in trouble. -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 6 ARTHUR: Why should he want to know where his towel is? FORD: Everybody should know where his towel is. ARTHUR: I think your head's come undone. -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 7 ZAPHOD: Listen three eyes, don't try to outweird me, I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal. -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 7 ZAPHOD: Who are you? ROOSTA: A friend. ZAPHOD: Oh yeah? Anyone's friend in particular, or just generally well-disposed to people? -- HHGttG, Episode 7 ROOSTA: Ever since you arrived on this planet last night you've been going round telling people that you're Zaphod Beeblebrox, but that they're not to tell anyone else. -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 7 MARVIN: What a depressingly stupid machine. -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 7 ARTHUR: Why should a rock hum? FORD: Maybe it feels good about being a rock. -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 8 GAG: I think this is perfectly normal behaviour for a Vogon. ... VOGON: That is exactly what you always say. GAG: Well, I think that is probably perfectly normal behaviour for a psychiatrist. -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 9 NUTRIMAT: That drink was individually tailored to meet your personal requirements for nutrition and pleasure. ARTHUR: Ah. So I'm a masochist on a diet am I? -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 9 ARTHUR: Don't ask me how it works or I'll start to whimper. -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 11 ... with these conditions cam the realisation that ... nothing turned a perfectly normal healthy individual into a great political or military leader better than irreversible brain damage. -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 11 ... when all the programmes on all the channels actually were made by actors with cleft pallettes speaking lines by dyslexic writers filmed by blind cameramen instead of merely seeming like that, it somehow made the whole thing more worthwhile. -- HHGTG, Episode 11 ARTHUR: Why are there three of you? LINTILLAS: Why is there only one of you? ARTHUR: Er... Could I have notice of that question? -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 11 SPIDER: 'Scuse me. [scuttles off] ZAPHOD: One huge spider. FORD: Polite though. -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 11 ZAPHOD: You know what I'm thinking? FORD: No. ZAPHOD: Neither do I. Frightening isn't it? -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 11 LINTILLA: You could take some evening classes. ARTHUR: What, here? LINTILLA: Yes, I've got a bottle of them. Little pink ones. -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 12 MARVIN: Oh dear, I think you'll find reality's on the blink again. -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 12 To summarise the summary of the summary:- people are a problem. -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 12 MAN: How can I tell that the past isn't a fiction designed to account for the discrepancy between my immediate physical sensations and my state of mind? -- The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, Episode 12 The Internet is full. Go away. -- http://www.disobey.com/devilshat/ds011101.htm >> REVIEW OF THE YEAR, 2000 << It was shit. Give us another one. -- NTK Now, 2000-12-29, http://www.ntk.net/ Need to Know is usually an interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. [...] This week, nothing happened, and we don't care. -- NTK Now, 2000-12-29, http://www.ntk.net/ Just getting something to work usually means writing reams of code fast, like a Stephen King novel, but making it maintainable and high-quality code that really expresses the ideas well, is like writing poetry. Art is taking away. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp Counting lines is probably a good idea if you want to print it out and are short on paper, but I fail to see the purpose otherwise. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp CLiki pages can be edited by anybody at any time. Imagine the most fearsomely comprehensive legal disclaimer you have ever seen, and double it -- http://ww.telent.net/cliki/index we're already scrubbing the face of intuition with steel wool, setting it on fire, then putting it out with an axe <wink>. -- Tim Peters, on comparing recursive structures same software, different verbosity settings (this one goes to eleven) -- the effbot on the martellibot It could be argued that since Suitespot is infinitely terrible, that anything else, by very definition of being anything else, is infinitely superior. -- ".", alt.sysadmin.recovery The meaning of "brunch" is as yet undefined. -- Simon Booth, ucam.chat : exploding like a turd Never had that happen to me, I have to admit. They do that often in your world? -- Eric The Read & Dave Brown, asr Haha! You had a *really* weak argument! <wink> -- Moshe Zadka, comp.lang.python : Giant screaming pieces of excrement, they are. I have a feeling that some of the people in here have a MUCH more exciting time relieving themselves than I do. -- Mike Sphar & Dave Brown, asr First of all, email me your AOL password as a security measure. You may find that won't be able to connect to the 'net for a while. This is normal. The next thing to do is turn your computer upside down and shake it to reboot it. -- Darren Tucker, asr  Modem speeds being what they are, large .avi files were generally downloaded to the shell server instead.  Where they were usually found by the technical staff, and burned to CD. -- Carlfish, asr Just put the user directories on a 486 with deadrat7.1 and turn the Octane into the afforementioned beer fridge and keep it in your office. The lusers won't notice the difference, except that you're more cheery during office hours. -- Pim van Riezen, asr . <- the point your article -> . |------------------------- a long way ------------------------| -- Christophe Rhodes, ucam.chat A.D. 1517: Martin Luther nails his 95 Theses to the church door and is promptly moderated down to (-1, Flamebait). -- http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=01/02/09/1815221&cid=52 (although I've seen it before) Every now and then, Google doesn't throw up what I need so I start checking Altavista, Yahoo, etc. In almost every single case, I am brutally reminded why I use Google in the first place. -- John Riddoch, asr at any rate, I'm satisfied that not only do they know which end of the pointy thing to hold, but where to poke it for maximum effect. -- Eric The Read, asr, on google.com The above comment may be extremely inflamatory. For your protection, it has been rot13'd twice. -- the signature of "JWhitlock" on slashdot It's actually a corruption of "starling". They used to be carried. Since they weighed a full pound (hence the name), they had to be carried by two starlings in tandem, with a line between them. -- Alan J Rosenthal explains "Pounds Sterling" on asr BUGS Never use this function. This function modifies its first argument. The identity of the delimiting character is lost. This function cannot be used on constant strings. -- the glibc manpage for strtok(3) I sense much distrust in you. Distrust leads to cynicism, cynicism leads to bitterness, bitterness leads to the Awareness Of True Reality which is referred to by those-who-lack-enlightenment as "paranoia". I approve. -- David P. Murphy, alt.sysadmin.recovery C++ is a siren song. It *looks* like a HLL in which you ought to be able to write an application, but it really isn't. -- Alain Picard, comp.lang.lisp This is not to say C++ = bad, Lisp = good. It's to say C++ = bad irrespective of everything else. -- Alain Picard, comp.lang.lisp "Well, the old ones go Mmmmmbbbbzzzzttteeeeeep as they start up and the new ones go whupwhupwhupwhooopwhooooopwhooooooommmmmmmmmm." -- Graham Reed explains subway engines on asr If your telephone company installs a system in the woods with no one around to see them, do they still get it wrong? -- Robert Moir, alt.sysadmin.recovery That one is easily explained away as massively intricate conspiracy, though. -- Chris Klein, alt.sysadmin.recovery My hat is lined with tinfoil for protection in the unlikely event that the droid gets his PowerPoint presentation working. -- Alan W. Frame, alt.sysadmin.recovery The gripping hand is really that there are morons everywhere, it's just that the Americon morons are funnier than average. -- Pim van Riezen, alt.sysadmin.recovery Hey, if I thought I was wrong, I'd change my mind. :) -- Grant Edwards, comp.lang.python MGM will not get your whites whiter or your colors brighter. It will, however, sit there and look spiffy while sucking down a major honking wad of RAM. -- http://www.xiph.org/mgm/ > I'm a little confused. That's because you're Australian! So all the blood flows to your head, away from the organ most normal guys think with. -- Mark Hammond & Tim Peters, comp.lang.python I've even been known to get Marmite *near* my mouth -- but never actually in it yet. Vegamite is right out. UnicodeError: ASCII unpalatable error: vegamite found, ham expected -- Tim Peters, comp.lang.python Make this IDLE version 0.8. (We have to skip 0.7 because that was a CNRI release in a corner of the basement of a government building on a planet circling Aldebaran.) -- Guido Van Rossum, in a checkin comment There's an aura of unholy black magic about CLISP. It works, but I have no idea how it does it. I suspect there's a goat involved somewhere. -- Johann Hibschman, comp.lang.scheme > so python will fork if activestate starts polluting it? I find it more relevant to speculate on whether Python would fork if the merpeople start invading our cities riding on the backs of giant king crabs. -- Brian Quinlan, comp.lang.python It *is*, however, rather juvenile, in contravention of the Trades Descriptions Act, and will lead eventually to the Dragon of Unhappiness flying up your bottom. -- Peter Ellis, ucam.chat The Oxford Bottled Beer Database heartily disapproves of the excessive consumption of alcohol. No, really. -- http://www.bottledbeer.co.uk/beergames.html (now sadly gone to the big 404 in the sky) > So what does "abc" / "ab" equal? cheese -- Steve Holden defends obscure semantics on comp.lang.python (ps: don't feed the lawyers: they just lose their fear of humans) -- Peter Wood, comp.lang.lisp Worryingly, DEFUN appears to be a function that removes all the fun from something: after using it all your code is converted to C++. -- Tim Bradshaw, comp.lang.lisp Finding a needle in a haystack is a lot easier if you burn down the haystack and scan the ashes with a metal detector. -- the Silicon Valley Tarot (another one nicked from David Rush) You have run into the classic Dmachine problem: your machine has become occupied by a malevolent spirit. Replacing hardware or software will not fix this - you need an exorcist. -- Tim Bradshaw, comp.lang.lisp ... Windows proponents tell you that it will solve things that your Unix system people keep telling you are hard. The Unix people are right: they are hard, and Windows does not solve them, ... -- Tim Bradshaw, comp.lang.lisp Richard Gabriel was wrong: worse is not better, lying is better. Languages and systems succeed in the marketplace to the extent that their proponents lie about what they can do. -- Tim Bradshaw, comp.lang.lisp Lisp does badly because we refuse to lie. When people ask us if we can solve insoluble problems we say that we can't, and because they expect us to lie to them, they find some other language where the truth is less respected. -- Tim Bradshaw, comp.lang.lisp Like most people, I don't always agree with the BDFL (especially when he wants to change things I've just written about in very large books), ... -- Mark Lutz, http://python.oreilly.com/news/python_0501.html Q: Isn't it okay to just read Slashdot for the links? A: No. Reading Slashdot for the links is like having "just one hit" off the crack pipe. -- http://www.cs.washington.edu/homes/klee/misc/slashdot.html#faq Reading Slashdot can [...] often be worse than useless, especially to young and budding programmers: it can give you exactly the wrong idea about the technical issues it raises. -- http://www.cs.washington.edu/homes/klee/misc/slashdot.html#reasons I never disputed the Perl hacking skill of the Slashdot creators. My objections are to the editors' taste, the site's ugly visual design, and the Slashdot community's raging stupidity. -- http://www.cs.washington.edu/homes/klee/misc/slashdot.html#faq If you don't have friends with whom to share links and conversation, you have social problems and you should confront them instead of joining a cultlike pseudo-community. -- "Quit Slashdot.org Today!" (http://www.cs.washington.edu/homes/klee/misc/slashdot.html#faq) If you have too much free time and can't think of a better way to spend it than reading Slashdot, you need a hobby, a job, or both. -- http://www.cs.washington.edu/homes/klee/misc/slashdot.html#faq Gullible editorial staff continues to post links to any and all articles that vaguely criticize Linux in any way. -- Reason #4 for quitting slashdot today, from http://www.cs.washington.edu/homes/klee/misc/slashdot.html Screaming 14-year-old boys attempting to prove to each other that they are more 3133t than j00. -- Reason #8 for quitting slashdot today, from http://www.cs.washington.edu/homes/klee/misc/slashdot.html I think my standards have lowered enough that now I think ``good design'' is when the page doesn't irritate the living fuck out of me. -- http://www.jwz.org/gruntle/design.html Monte Carlo sampling is no way to understand code. -- Gordon McMillan, comp.lang.python In the 1950s and 60s there was a regular brain drain of young Australians from the cities to London, but it was because of money, culture and opportunity, not spiders. -- Al Grant, ucam.chat, from Owen Dunn's review of the year Also, remember to put the galaxy back when you've finished, or an angry mob of astronomers will come round and kneecap you with a small telescope for littering. -- Simon Tatham, ucam.chat, from Owen Dunn's review of the year I think perhaps we should have electoral collages and construct our representatives entirely of little bits of cloth and papier mache. -- Owen Dunn, ucam.chat, from his review of the year (Unfortunately, while you get Tom Baker saying "then we were attacked by monsters", he doesn't flash and make "neeeeooww-sploot" noises.) -- Gareth Marlow, ucam.chat, from Owen Dunn's review of the year We've had a lot of problems going from glibc 2.0 to glibc 2.1. People claim binary compatibility. Except for functions they don't like. -- Peter Van Eynde, comp.lang.lisp But since your post didn't lay out your assumptions, your goals, or how you view language characteristics as fitting in with either, you're not a *natural* candidate for embracing Design by Contract <0.6 wink>. -- Tim Peters, giving Eiffel adoption advice I have no disaster recovery plan for black holes, I'm afraid. Also please be aware that if it one looks imminent I will be out rioting and setting fire to McDonalds (always wanted to do that) and probably not reading email anyway. -- Dan Barlow All obscurity will buy you is time enough to contract venereal diseases. -- Tim Peters, python-dev > say-hi-to-the-flying-pink-elephants-for-me-ly y'rs, No way, the flying pink elephants are carrying MACHINE GUNS! Aiiee!! Time for a kinder, gentler hallucinogen... -- Barry Warsaw & Greg Ward, python-dev Unfortunately, nigh the whole world is now duped into thinking that silly fill-in forms on web pages is the way to do user interfaces. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp An encyclopedia is about being as accurate as it can, not being evenly misinformed. -- Coby Beck, comp.lang.lisp If Unicode is a horde of zombies with flaming dung sticks, the hideous intricacies of JIS, Chinese Big-5, Chinese Traditional, KOI-8, et cetera are at least an army of ogres with salt and flensing knives. -- Eric S. Raymond, python-dev But maybe I've just programmed in enough different languages to assume that they are, in fact, different. -- Tony J Ibbs explains why Python isn't Java on comp.lang.python > Emacs is a fashion statement. No, Gnus is a fashion statement. Emacs is clothing. Everyone else is running around naked. -- Karl Kleinpaste & Jonadab the Unsightly One, gnu.emacs.gnus Windows installation day one. Getting rid of the old windows was easy - they fell apart quite happily, and certainly wont be re-installable anywhere else. -- http://www.linux.org.uk/diary/ (not *that* sort of windows...) Its unmanageable complexity has spawned more fear-preventing tools than any other language, but the solution _should_ have been to create and use a language that does not overload the whole goddamn human brain with irrelevant details. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp I believe C++ instills fear in programmers, fear that the interaction of some details causes unpredictable results. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp > Touche! But this confirms you are composed of logic gates. Crud, I thought those were neurons in there. -- Thomas F. Burdick, Kenny Tilton, comp.lang.lisp The Programmer's Quick Guide To Python (Time Machine version): You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to realize that there's no need, since Guido thoughtfully shot you in the foot years ago. -- Nick Mathewson, comp.lang.python If you're talking "useful", I'm not your bot. -- Tim Peters, 08 Nov 2001 "Also, does the simple algorithm you used in Cyclops have a name?" "Not officially, but it answers to "hey, dumb-ass!" -- Neil Schemenauer and Tim Peters, 23 Feb 2001 If I didn't have my part-time performance art income to help pay the bills, I could never afford to support my programming lifestyle. -- Jeff Bauer, 21 Apr 2000 The bottom tier is what a certain class of wanker would call "business objects" ... -- Greg Ward, 9 Dec 1999 Do I do everything in C++ and teach a course in advanced swearing? -- David Beazley at IPC8, on choosing a language for teaching Guido (like us!) is a bit schizophrenic here: he wants to be a benevolent dictator, but also wants to treat people like grownups. This probably worked better before Python got a large American audience <0.9 wink>. -- Tim Peters, 10 Feb 2000 This proposal, if accepted, will probably mean a heck of a lot of work for somebody. But since I don't want it accepted, I don't care. -- Laura Creighton, PEP 666 Ability to type on a computer terminal is no guarantee of sanity, intelligence, or common sense. -- Gene Spafford's Axiom #2 of Usenet "An infinite number of monkeys at an infinite number of keyboards could produce something like Usenet." "They could do a better job of it." -- the corollaries to Gene Spafford's Axiom #2 of Usenet "Sturgeon's Law (90% of everything is crap) applies to Usenet." "Nothing guarantees that the 10% isn't crap, too." -- Gene Spafford's Axiom #2 of Usenet, and a corollary Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it. -- spaf (1992) Have you considered downgrading your arrogance to a reasonable level? -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp, to yet another C++-using troll I'm about to search Google for contract assassins to go to Iomega and HP's programming groups and kill everyone there with some kind of electrically charged rusty barbed thing. -- http://bofhcam.org/journal/journal.html, 2002-01-08 Whaaat? That is the most retarded thing I have seen since, oh, yesterday -- Kaz Kylheku, comp.lang.lisp In that case I suggest that to get the correct image you look at the screen from inside the monitor whilst standing on your head. -- James Bonfield, http://www.ioccc.org/2000/rince.hint 6. The code definitely is not portable - it will produce incorrect results if run from the surface of Mars. -- James Bonfield, http://www.ioccc.org/2000/rince.hint Python enjoys making tradeoffs that drive *someone* crazy <wink>. -- Tim Peters, comp.lang.python > With Python you can start a thread, but you can't stop it. Sorry. > You'll have to wait until reaches the end of execution. So, just the same as c.l.py, then? -- Cliff Wells & Steve Holden, comp.lang.python if-you-need-your-own-xxx.py-you-know-where-to-shove-it<wink>-ly y'rs - tim -- Tim Peters dishes out versioning advice on python-dev No. In fact, my eyeballs fell out just from reading this question, so it's a good thing I can touch-type. -- John Baez, sci.physics.research Structure is _nothing_ if it is all you got. Skeletons _spook_ people if they try to walk around on their own. I really wonder why XML does not. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp A difference which makes no difference is no difference at all. -- William James (I think. Reference anyone?) I think if we have the choice, I'd rather we didn't explicitly put flaws in the reST syntax for the sole purpose of not insulting the almighty. -- /will on the doc-sig For the record, the NTL telephone voicemaze jail is almost as well-planned. I dialled the status recording, which is information- rich in much the same way as 10 Angstroms is a long way... -- Dan Barlow vs NTL: http://ww.telent.net/diary/2002/6/#18.8983 It's an especially annoying American buzzword for "business use, as opposed to consumer, research, or educational use". -- Tim Peters defines "enterprise" Enlightenment is probably antithetical to impatience. -- Erik Naggum, comp.lang.lisp > It might get my attention if you'd spin around in your chair, > spoke in tongues, and puked jets of green goblin goo. I can arrange for this. ;-) -- Barry Warsaw & Fred Drake I have *both* hands clapping, but I'm still not sure it's a sound. When I tried deciding if it were a sound while clapping only one hand, I fell off my chair. -- Peter Hansen, Zen master, comp.lang.python Many of the posts you see on Usenet are actually from moths. You can tell which posters they are by their attraction to the flames. -- Internet Oracularity #1279-06 For those of you who aren't aware "tossing" is a euphamism for, well, vigourously rubbing your love pole. You understand? Flogging the dolphin. Stretching the chicken's neck. Waving your magic wand. Basically, wanking. -- Just another Morfans SDA update Exam invigilation - it doesn't come much harder than that, esp if the book you're reading turns out to be worse than expected. -- Dirk Bruere, sci.physics.research Lisp nearing the age of 50 is the most modern language out there. GC, dynamic, reflective, the best OO model extant including GFs, procedural macros, and the only thing old-fashioned about it is that it is compiled and fast. -- Kenny Tilton, comp.lang.python If design space weren't so vast, and the good solutions so small a portion of it, programming would be a lot easier. -- maney, comp.lang.python My first thought was someone should offer Mr. Bush elocution lessons. But he'd probably say he knew how to work them chairs already. -- Internet Oracularity #1294-01 > Well, as an American citizen I hope that the EU tells the MPAA > and RIAA to shove it where the Sun don't shine. Actually they already did. Only first they bent over and dropped their trousers. -- Shmuel (Seymour J.) Metz & Toni Lassila, asr When physicists speak of a TOE, they don't really mean a theory of *everything*. Taken literally, "Everything" covers a lot of ground, including biology, art, decoherence and the best way to barbecue ribs. -- John Baez, sci.physics.research #ifndef P_tmpdir printf( "Go buy a better computer" ); exit( ETHESKYISFALLINGANDIWANTMYMAMA ); -- Dimitri Maziuk on writing secure code, asr You owe the Oracle a star-spangled dunce cap. -- Internet Oracularity #1299-08 I located the link but haven't bothered to re-read the article, preferring to post nonsense to usenet before checking my facts. -- Ben Wolfson, comp.lang.python Gevalia is undrinkable low-octane see-through only slightly roasted bilge water. Compared to .us coffee it is quite drinkable. -- Måns Nilsson, asr Or if you happen to be resigned to the size of your trouser snake and would rather not be reminded of it, training a shared classifier to reject penis-enlargement spam stops Barry from getting the help he so desperately needs. -- Tim Peters, c.l.python Check out the comments in this source file that start with: # Oh, lord help us. -- Mark Hammond gets to play with the Outlook object model Ignoring the rules in the FAQ: 1" slice in spleen and prevention of immediate medical care. -- Mark C. Langston, asr It is time-consuming to produce high-quality software. However, that should not alone be a reason to give up the high standards of Python development. -- Martin von Loewis, python-dev It is never worth a first class man's time to express a majority opinion. By definition, there are plenty of others to do that. -- G. H. Hardy It's relatively seldom that desire for sex is involved in technology procurement decisions. -- ESR at EuroPython 2002 "I lacked the courage to investigate the weaknesses of the wicked, because I discovered they are the same as the weaknesses of the saintly." -- The Name Of The Rose, Umberto Eco And not only in the sense that they imagine heretics where these do not exist, but also that inquistors repress the heretical putrefaction so vehemently that many are driven to share in it, in their hatred of the judges. -- The Name Of The Rose, Umberto Eco ... the U.S. Department of Transportation today disclosed that its agents have recently cleared airport security checkpoints with an M1 tank, a beluga whale, and a fully active South American volcano. -- http://www.satirewire.com/news/march02/screeners.shtml > You're already using asyncore so you can't really be worried > about complexity <wink>. (-8 .helps which, demand on backwards work to brain my rewired I've -- Jeremy Hylton & Richie Hindle The word "Fascism" has now no meaning except in so far as it signifies 'something not desirable'. -- George Orwell in "Politics and the English Language" > Or can I sweep that can of worms under the rug? Please shove them under the garage. -- Greg Ward and Guido van Rossum mix their metaphors on python-dev > I wouldn't want to live without readline, but some of the > things it does call for the application of thumbscrews. -- me on python-dev Also, whenever a programmer thinks, "Hey, skins, what a cool idea", their computer's speakers should create some sort of cock-shaped soundwave and plunge it repeatedly through their skulls. -- http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?journal=jwz&itemid=123070 Darn! I've only got 10 minutes left to get falling-down drunk! I suppose I'll have to smoke crack instead now. -- Tim Peters is checking things in on 2002-12-31 You can remove divmod() when I'm dead. Before then, it stays. I'm sure all will agree that's a reasonable compromise. -- Tim Peters negotiating on python-dev faassen: anyway, if nothing else flapping your arms running around will at least give an impression of activity. :) (Pdb) operationerr.w_value.w_value.w_value.w_value.w_value.w_value <pypy.interpreter.executioncontext.OperationError instance at 0x5eee30> -- one of the clearer PyPy debugging sessions python py.py ~/Source/python/dist/src/Lib/test/pystone.py Pystone(1.1) time for 5000 passes = 19129.1 This machine benchmarks at 0.261381 pystones/second You're going to have to remember that I still think of Twisted as a big multiplayer game, and all this HTTP stuff is just kind of a grotty way to display room descriptions. -- Glyph Lefkowitz > What are mathematicians' critical job skills? [...] The ability to work long and hard on entirely meaningless problems. -- Michael Hudson & Gordon McMillan, c.l.py Hiro dicks about with his computer, naturally. Being stranded on a life raft in the Pacific is a perfect venue for a hacker. -- Snow Crash, Neal Stephenson The source passes lint without any complaint (if invoked with >/dev/null). -- Daniel Fischer, http://www.ioccc.org/1998/df.hint If you still persist in writing, "Good food at it's best", you deserve to be struck by lightning, hacked up on the spot and buried in an unmarked grave. -- Lynne Truss, "Eats, Shoots & Leaves" What the semicolon's anxious supporters fret about is the tendency of contemporary writers to use a dash instead of a semicolon and thus precipitate the end of the world. -- Lynne Truss, "Eats, Shoots & Leaves" <xyld> what proportion of Swedes speak english? <bea> xyld: all those with teeth If we can only figure out a way to transform the key signing party into a drinking game, I think we'd get a much higher level of participation. -- Barry Warsaw <teratorn> I must be missing something. It is not possible to be this stupid. <Yhg1s> you don't meet a lot of actual people, do you? <washort> glyph: you're evil, too <glyph> washort: I try <washort> not the good kind of evil <washort> the other kind -- from Twisted.Quotes <cube> If you are anal, and you love to be right all the time, C++ gives you a multitude of mostly untimportant details to fret about so you can feel good about yourself for getting them "right", while missing the big picture entirely -- from Twisted.Quotes <glyph> now you're probably wondering how to run cvs <samuel> actually i was thinking of naked women. <samuel> but sure. -- from Twisted.Quotes <moshez> glyph: I don't know anything about reality. -- from Twisted.Quotes <Yosomono> rasterman is the millionth monkey -- from Twisted.Quotes <radix> I feel so special when people quote me -- from Twisted.Quotes <glyph> It's just like a method call, but ON FIRE AND UPSIDE DOWN!!! -- from Twisted.Quotes <faassen> I'm not a PSU agent. -- from Twisted.Quotes <glyph> I am *not* a PSU agent. -- from Twisted.Quotes <mitiege> dash: where do you go to school? <tpck> mitiege: PSU <mitiege> tpck: didn't faassen go there too? -- from Twisted.Quotes <Erwin> #python FAQ: How do I build X? A: Wait for twisted.X. -- from Twisted.Quotes <churchr> glyph: So why can't you make that into a database? <glyph> churchr: I will set you on fire. -- from Twisted.Quotes <glyph> "Fetch me my internet pants." -- from Twisted.Quotes <dash> web in my head get it out get it out -- from Twisted.Quotes <thirmite> what's a web widget?? <glyph> thirmite: internet on a stick, on fire <Acapnotic> with web sauce! -- from Twisted.Quotes <Aardappel> this "I hate c++" is so old <dash> it's as old as C++, yes -- from Twisted.Quotes <dash> moshez: you aren't making sense now <moshez> dash: *now*? I'm not making sense *now*? -- from Twisted.Quotes <glyph> yo ho ho and a bottle of internet -- from Twisted.Quotes <SteveA> I just had a very odd phone call <SteveA> from a researcher with the french TV station "TF1" <SteveA> asking about inflatable football referees -- from Twisted.Quotes <datazone> okay, tell me if i am crazy <Yosomono> you are <datazone> damn -- from Twisted.Quotes <glyph> CDATA is not an integration strategy. -- from Twisted.Quotes <bruce> how are the jails in israel? <itamar> well, the one I was in was pretty nice -- from Twisted.Quotes <glyph> we need PB for C# * moshez squishes glyph <moshez> glyph: squishy insane person -- from Twisted.Quotes * vegai wears his reading bra. <vegai> umm, I mean glasses -- from Twisted.Quotes <datazone> you're a towel <exarkun> a towel of IMMENSE POWER, yes. -- from Twisted.Quotes <dash> it's like a bicycle <dash> but with internet -- from Twisted.Quotes <wzZzy> I tried to use woven.guard sunday night <hazmat> and? <wzZzy> hazmat: glyph's powers of obfuscation are considerable -- from Twisted.Quotes <wzZzy> we should write an os <itamar> YES * itamar starts a sourceforge project -- from Twisted.Quotes <shapr> ucking keyoar -- from Twisted.Quotes <Nafai> w00t w00t w00t w00t! <Nafai> I don't understand all of the code, but it works! <Nafai> I guess I should check it in. -- from Twisted.Quotes <MFen> want to write my requirements for me? <radix> Sure! <radix> "show a dancing monkey in the about box" -- from Twisted.Quotes <exarkun> today's lesson <exarkun> don't strace X in an xterm -- from Twisted.Quotes <exarkun> speak of the devil <moshez> exarkun: froor <exarkun> not you -- from Twisted.Quotes <etrepum> Jokes around here tend to get followed by implementations. -- from Twisted.Quotes <moshez> but yes, theoretically Ogg could replace tar :) <MFen> you could have subtitles while you're untarring <MFen> "Look! another directory!" -- from Twisted.Quotes <dash> i am trying to get Asterisk to work <dash> it is stabbing me in the face <dreid> yes ... i seem to recall that feature in the documentation -- from Twisted.Quotes <glyph> "What?" "Take the red continuation." "What?" "Take the blue continuation." "Huh?" "Take the red continuation." "What?"... -- from Twisted.Quotes <dash> wow. this code does something highly entertaining, but nowhere near correct -- from Twisted.Quotes <exarkun> I think there's a rather large difference between a stale twinkie and a kernel swap daemon -- from Twisted.Quotes <skreech> How do I keep people from reading my Perl code? Oh wait. Ha ha! -- from Twisted.Quotes <dash> the primary function of the human brain is to make witty remarks on irc -- from Twisted.Quotes <Erwin> I recompiled XFree 4.2 with gcc 3.2-beta-from-cvs with -O42 and -march-pentium4-800Mhz and I am sure that the MOUSE CURSOR is moving 5 % FASTER! -- from Twisted.Quotes <PenguinOfDoom> I reject that approach. It has a suspicious lack of internet. -- from Twisted.Quotes <dash> if python is an orchestra, overloaded operators are "miscellaneous percussion" -- from Twisted.Quotes <spiv> As far as I'm concerned, the meat pie is the ultimate unit of currency. -- from Twisted.Quotes <freeside> On a scale of One to AWESOME, twisted.web is PRETTY ABSTRACT!!!! -- from Twisted.Quotes <AdamV> SamB: PHP's basic control structure is the "database timeout error". -- from Twisted.Quotes <sjj> dash: you certainly are an enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in a hat. -- from Twisted.Quotes <lament> Slashdot karma, unfortunately, is not real karma, because it doesn't involve the death of the people who have it -- from Twisted.Quotes <shawn> the highest calling of technical book writers is to destroy the sun -- from Twisted.Quotes <radix> A VoIP server "powered entirely by stabbing, that I made out of this gun I had" -- from Twisted.Quotes <glyph> AND NOW FOR A MESSAGE FROM OUR SPONSOR <glyph> Are you WEIRD? <glyph> Are you MADE OF INTERNET? <glyph> Use Twisted! Or die. http://www.twistedmatrix.com/ The snakes are optional, as are the electrodes, the molten lead and the ritual buggering by syphilitic warthogs. -- Tanuki the Raccoon-dog, asr MacOSX: Sort of like a pedigree persian cat. Very sleek, very sexy, but a little too prone to going cross-eyed, biting you on your thumb and then throwing up on your trousers. -- Jim's pedigree of operating systems, asr Windows XP: Big cow. Stands there, not especially malevolent but constantly crapping on your carpet. Eventually you have to open a window to let the crap out or you die. -- Jim's pedigree of operating systems, asr Windows 2000: Smaller cow. Just as much crap. -- Jim's pedigree of operating systems, asr THEOS: Mad cow. Utterly fucking insane cow, in fact. A cow so mad it thinks it's a tetapot. The swamp dragon of the OS world. -- Jim's pedigree of operating systems, asr Linux: Horse. Like a wild horse, fun to ride. Also prone to throwing you and stamping you into the ground because it doesn't like your socks. -- Jim's pedigree of operating systems, asr TRSDOS: Friendly old lizard. Or, at least, content to sit there eating flies. -- Jim's pedigree of operating systems, asr (FREE|OPEN) BSD: Shire horse. Solid, reliable, only occasionally prone to crushing you against a wall and then only because you've told it to without knowing. -- Jim's pedigree of operating systems, asr Solaris: Shire horse that dreams of being a race horse, blissfully unaware that its owners don't quite know whether to put it out to grass, to stud, or to the knackers yard. -- Jim's pedigree of operating systems, asr Hmm, that attempt at trolling did not work out as well as I had hoped. -- Steve VanDevender, asr Back in the old days, software would grow until it could send and receive e-mail, but now that even the virusses are doing that, the fashion has changed, and now software evolves until it has venomous fangs, the better to do serious damage when it sucks. -- AdB, asr I can't see a conspicuous evolutionary advantage in being good at higher mathematics. -- James Riden, asr Please tell me I don't have to break out sarcasm tags. Please. Smartassed one-liners are a coping mechanism, and I really need them this week. -- Charles Herbig, asr LaTeX, pah. Don't be silly. I'm using a homebrew markup system that I wrote in Common Lisp. ;-) -- Peter Seibel, comp.lang.lisp, talking about his book "Practical Lisp"
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